Agony Aunt

Dear Aunt Tim Yan,

I have many close friends in my school. We all have unlocked lockers in our PE locker room. My friends feel quite comfortable to take things from my locker—my school uniform shirt, my coat, my deodorant—and use them. I don’t mind, but I wish they would put the things back where they found them. I have received two discipline slips because I cannot find my uniform shirt. What can I do to get them to respect my property and my need for “boundaries?”

–Frustrated in Ferikoy

Dear Frustrated,

It sounds like you are in a very aggravating situation. A lack of respect seems to be going around amongst your friends, and you are being punished for the irresponsibility their actions. My advice would be to tell your friends how you feel regarding the borrowing of clothes and such. Be honest with them and give them “boundaries”. You might even try putting a note on your locker just to remind them, for it seems like it has become a habit for your friends to just leave your personal items lying around. If this does ot work try talking to some teachers about it and get them to make some rules regarding this issue.

Dear Aunt Tim Yan,

I recently moved to Turkey. I feel isolated because there are few American families here, and I do not speak Turkish. I home-school my kids, so we don’t have many opportunities to meet other foreigners. It has been five months, and I still can't get over the culture shock. I spend my days cooped up with my kids, unable to do the simplest things. I can't seem to live up to my husband's expectations, and he has become quite critical. This is hurting our marriage. Please help me before I go crazy.

— Agonizing in Ankara

Dear Agonized,

It sounds like you are carrying a large burden. You feel very isolated and secluded from the society you know and incapable of accomplishing anything. To add onto that your husband has not been encouraging you. You might want to send your children to an international school so you can get to know more American families and learn and be encouraged by them. I would also advise you to consider going to language school and also try to associate with your Turkish neighbors, this way your language skills will grow and you will be able to accomplish tasks more effectively. Also talk with your husband. Be open with him and share your struggles with him. As husband and wife you need to stick together and help one another. If your marriage continues to deteriorate then you should go see a marriage counselor.

Dear Aunt Tim Yan,

My husband and I are raising four beautiful children. Our oldest daughter, age 15, has admitted to us that she has been drinking alcohol at parties on weekends. She says she never gets drunk but always has one drink because "everyone else is doing it" and she doesn't want to look "weird."

My husband and I never drink. Alcohol is not served in our home. Our daughter is an honor student and never has caused us any trouble. She says we should appreciate her honesty and not be angry with her. How should we handle this?

— Beside Ourselves in Bebek

Dear Beside Ourselves,

Your situation is a challenging one. Raising a teenager has always been difficult requiring patience and great wisdom. Your daughter is definitely going through peer pressure and is struggling to feel accepted. However what she is doing is against your beliefs and is not actually legal. It is damaging to her health and can possibly affect negatively in her future. You need to deal with this situation calmly and understandingly. You really should appreciate her honesty and tell her so, but some measures must be taken to discourage her from drinking. It would help if you educated her on this subject and showed her how detrimental drinking can be to her health. Do not aggravate her, just show her how much you care.